Notice Me
by Windrises
Summary: Joker is upset about Batman focusing on his enemies, rather than him, so he tries to get his attention. Meanwhile, Harley Quinn is mad about Joker not paying attention to her, so she tries to get him to notice her.


Notes: Batman is owned by DC Comics and was created by writer Bill Finger and artist Bob Kane. Harley Quinn was created by Paul Dini and Bruce Timm.

The Joker stood around, at his Gotham's largest library, while having an evil grin on his face. He pinched Harley Quinn's cheek, while kicking books across the floor and doing an excited laugh. He truly thought his latest crime was one of his better ones, despite the stakes not being as high, as they usually were. The Joker had broken into every library and book store, that Gotham had, so he could steal every copy of Victor Hugo's book, The Man Who Laughs.

The Joker looked at Harley, while saying, "I've really outdone myself, haven't I?"

Harley Quinn was afraid of getting her precious Joker angry, but she failed to see any amazement, from Joker's latest scheme. She nervously said, "No offense intended, but what's so impressive about a stealing a bunch of books?"

The Joker tried to resist frowning, while asking, "Does everything have to be explained, so your simplistic mind can comprehend it?"

Harley looked confused, while asking, "Simplistic mind? I was a psychiatrist."

The Joker replied, "You were a crummy psychiatrist, which is why I've had to get a new one."

Harley put her hand on Joker's shoulder, while trying to have an innocent smile on her face. She had been wanting to spend more time with the Joker. Since the Joker spent so much time trying to get Batman's attention, Harley felt she didn't get enough quality-time with Joker. She said, "I don't want to make you mad, I really don't. I'm just wondering what your scheme is about, that's all."

The Joker held a copy of The Man Who Laughs, while saying, "This book is all about me, as you can see from the title. In fact, I feel this book inspired my current appearance. Because of that, I wanted to pay tribute, to this classic piece of literature. However, being the type of person I am, a sentimental tribute would never work. I needed to put a more sinister twist to it, which is why I've stolen as many copies, as we could possibly find. That way, nobody else can get inspired by this book. There's only one clown prince of crime and if there ever was a second one, unspeakable things would happen." He did a sinister laugh.

The Joker heard intense-sounding footsteps, along with angry voices. He was starting to get more excited, because he thought Batman was arriving. However, that's not who came in. Instead, Detective Bullock and a few police officer came in. Joker angrily asked, "Why isn't Batman here? He was supposed to come, not you losers."

Detective Bullock had an amused look on his face, while asking, "You think I'm the loser? Well, you won't be thinking that, after I lock you up, you rotten clown."

The Joker replied, "I would never let someone, as special as myself, be defeated by such an ordinary slob."

Detective Bullock tried to put handcuffs on Joker, but Joker used a joy-buzzer, to shock him. The police officers tried to stop him, but Joker shocked all of them. He and Harley ran out and started driving away.

The Joker dropped off Harley, at his lair. Harley looked at him and asked, "Aren't you coming along?"

The Joker had a mopey look on his face, while saying, "I'll be back later, my dear. I have to do some thinking."

Harley felt concerned, while asking, "Are you okay?"

The Joker said, "Harley, when I try something special and Batman doesn't appear, it's hard to feel okay." He started driving away. Harley still felt worried, as she entered the lair and waited for Joker to come home.

In order to give himself a tiny amount of joy, Joker ran over some mailboxes, gnomes, and plants. Poison Ivy saw that Joker had purposely ran over her garden which ticked her off. She shook her fist at him, while saying, "If I ever get the chance, I'll take everything you love."

The Joker sarcastically replied, "Big deal, you grouchy plant." Because Ivy was so mad, he started feeling a bit more upbeat, as he continued heading to his psychiatrist.

A few minutes later, Joker was in the office of his psychiatrist, Professor Hugo Strange. Joker laid on a couch, while Hugo Strange grabbed a journal, so he could write notes. Joker said, "Doc, I'm going mad."

Hugo replied, "With all due respect, you've been crazy, for a long period of time."

The Joker angrily responded, "I'm not taking about the crazy type of mad, that the Mad Hatter deals with. I'm talking about the angry kind of mad. Batman's really pushed my buttons."

Hugo put his hand on his chin, while saying, "Batman appears to do that, on a regular basis. What makes this recent fit of anger more special, than any of your other freak-outs?"

The Joker replied, "During those other freak-outs, Batman was actually there. When I robbed something, he would come and beat me up. However, this time, he didn't come. This isn't a one-time problem. There's always been a few times, here and there, where the police would come, instead of Batman. However, as time goes on, it feels like I'm becoming a smaller part of Batman's life. It feels like his interest, in me, keeps shrinking."

Hugo wrote a bunch of notes, while responding, "That's a peculiar problem. Is there anything, why Batman wouldn't be paying attention to you?"

The Joker had a jealous look on his face, while saying, "It's because of those other villains, that creep around Arkham Asylum. You have no idea, how many villains, that Batman deals with."

Hugo replied, "But you are his arch-enemy."

The Joker responded, "You know it. However, at times, it doesn't feel like that."

Hugo said, "There's no reason, that you should feel that way. Come with me." Hugo put his arm around the Joker and led him to a wall, that was decorated with articles and pictures, of Batman and the Joker. Hugo pointed to the wall, while saying, "Look at the long history, that you two have shared. You've been enemies, for years."

The Joker replied, "As true as that is, Batman's had a long history with other villains, who've been driving me batty. Batman's the only one, who should be driving me crazy, but Penguin, Riddler, Poison Ivy, and fifty other weirdos have hogging up time, that Batman should be spending with me!"

Hugo said, "So, you want Batman, to pay more attention, to you?"

The Joker answered, "You bet I do. How am I supposed to make that happen?"

Hugo thought about it and said, "If you got rid of the competition, Batman would give you more respect and attention, than you could ever imagine."

The Joker had an excited look on his face, while saying, "Wonderful idea. If I get those other villains behind bars, it'll just be me and Batman." He started prancing out of the office, while having a thrilled look on his face.

The Joker drove back to his lair. He continued prancing around, while grabbing Harley and doing a little dance with her. Harley was overjoyed, that Joker had such a positive change of mood. She hugged him and said, "Honey, I'm so glad you're feeling better."

The Joker replied, "Hugo Strange lives up to his last name and being a fan of peculiar stuff, I couldn't ask for anyone better. He's given me the advice I need, to get Batman, to finally notice me. By getting the competition out of the way, Batman will be gushing over me." He did an evil laugh.

Harley had a confused look on her face, while asking, "How are you going to get rid of Batman's rivals, Joker?"

The Joker answered, "Going to Hugo Strange's sessions and listening to him analyze every patient of Arkham Asylum, has turned out to be useful. Since he taught me about all of their patterns and gimmicks, I'll easily figure out where each villain is." He handed Strange's business card to Harley, while saying, "You see, the advantage of being unpredictable and crazy, is that nobody can ever find out my pattern."

Harley asked, "But don't you have a pattern, of doing clown-themed crimes and jokes?"

The Joker turned around and answered, "That's a gimmick, not a pattern. Nobody's ever been able to figure out my crazy brain, despite how much Batman and Strange try." He signaled to Harley, to follow him. They went into Joker's car and started driving to the Penguin's latest location, the Iceberg Lounge.

The Iceberg Lounge was a fancy club, that Penguin used to make money, in a legal way. However, Penguin had secretly been continuing his usual illegal business and robberies.

When Joker and Harley broke into Penguin's backroom, Penguin was making a business deal with the Scarecrow. The Scarecrow agreed to get Penguins tons of money, if Penguin could obtain some fear toxins from the Black Market. The Scarecrow put a briefcase, filled with money, on Penguin's desk and said, "I've done my part of the bargain. If you failed to do yours, you'll get the biggest scare of your life."

The Penguin calmly replied, "Don't worry, my anixetn-loving friend. I've obtained the fear toxins, that you've been craving." He put a suitcase, filled with the toxins, next to Scarecrow.

The Joker stepped out of the shadows and said, "I was just trying to stop Penguin, but luckily, I came upon two types of birds: a penguin and a crow. Now, I can truly defeat two birds, with only a single stone." He did an evil laugh.

The Penguin had an annoyed look on his face, while saying, "Joker, you might be crazy, but you ought to have the common sense, to stay away from my business. My business is organized and clean, which is the opposite of everything you stand for."

The Joker replied, "That's true, which is another reason I want you out of the way. However, the main reason is because criminals, like you and Scarecrow, take Batman's time away."

The Scarecrow started opening up a briefcase, while saying, "After I get a fear toxin ready, Joker will be toast."

Harley got out her hammer and used it, to knock Scarecrow to the ground. She said, "When Joker has a goal, he's going to make it come true."

The Scarecrow replied, "I have goals of my own."

Harley responded, "You just want to scare crows away. You should live in a farm, not in Gotham." She hit Scarecrow again, which made him pass out.

The Penguin tried to escape, but Joker used silly-string, to take his umbrella away. Without the umbrella, Penguin didn't have a way to defend himself. Joker had much better fighting skills, so Penguin knew he was a goner. Instead of suffering a beating, Penguin stuck his arms in the air. Joker put handcuffs on Penguin and Scarecrow, before he and Harley drove away.

Next, Joker and Harley drove to a pet store, that Catwoman was at. Catwoman had been taking animals out of their cages. She looked at the animals, while saying, "Being locked-up so often has made me realize, that you guys must have hard lives. It's time for an easier lifestyle, don't you think?"

The Joker approached her, while saying, "I have the opposite opinion."

Catwoman looked frustrated, while asking, "What are you doing here?"

The Joker answered, "I'm here, so I can bring you to justice."

Catwoman slyly replied, "You couldn't be more pathetic liar, Joker. I know you don't give a care about justice, so quit the fibs."

The Joker responded, "Fair enough. I guess I should skip the lies and get right to your defeat." Joker punched and kicked Catwoman, before she fell to the ground and started sleeping.

After that, Joker and Harley paid a visit, to a store, that had an entire aisle of puzzles, games, and riddles. The Riddler had tied up the store's employees and had started robbing the aisle. He said, "These riddle-related items are going to give me the inspiration, that I'll need on my future crimes."

Joker and Harley walked behind Riddler, while Joker said, "You're not going to be doing anymore crimes, Riddler."

The Riddler replied, "Joker, you couldn't be more wrong. Just like you, I'm a prince. I'm the Prince of Puzzlers and because I've obtained that important honor, I gotta be the smartest guy around."

The Joker responded, "Batman's the smartest guy around, you ego-infested goofball." Joker and Harley started ripping the riddles apart. Riddler was do distracted by that, that Joker managed to easily fling him, to the ground.

The Riddler laid on the ground, while looking at the torn-up riddles. A tear came out of his eyes, before Joker put handcuffs on him.

Next, Two-Face was robbing a store, that charged twice as much for clothes, than Gotham's other clothes stores. Two-Face looked at the owner of the store, while saying, "By robbing this place, I'm doing your customers a favor. Your overly-high prices aren't illegal, so as a district attorney, I was never able to stop you guys. However, as Two-Face, I'm going to take everything you got and put you out of business."

The Joker walked to Two-Face, while saying, "You're to be beaten twice as hard, as my other rivals." He did an evil laugh.

Two-Face replied, "Joker, I haven't had a reason to hate you, until now. I wonder if I should get rid of you. I'll let my bestie decide." Two-Face grabbed his favorite coin and flipped it. It landed on heads, so he said, "You know what, Joker? The coin's going soft on you, so I will follow the coin's example. Instead of shooting you, I'll just throw you out." Two-Face tried to grab the Joker, but Joker grabbed his coin. Two-Face tried to get the coin back, but Joker threw it outside, where the police were at. Two-Face wanted his coin so badly, that he ran outside and got trapped by the police.

After that, Joker broke into Mr. Freeze's laboratory. He had hired Firefly, to help him stop Mr. Freeze. He arrived, along with Harley and Firefly. Mr. Freeze pointed his ice gun at them, while saying, "Joker, your visits always put chills up my spine."

The Joker had a smug smile on his face, while saying, "Freeze, your heart is too cold, just like the rest of you. It's time you finally had a heartwarming moment and Firefly's going to provide you with that." He signaled, to Firefly, who started using his heat-related powers, on Mr. Freeze.

Mr. Freeze became so overheated, that he went to the ground and said, "I'm in too much pain. I'll surrender, if he stops that heat stuff."

After Firefly stopped, Joker stole Mr. Freeze's ice-gun and used it, to freeze Firefly.

Next, Joker arrived at Poison Ivy's garden. He started stomping on her plants, while laughing. Harley was concerned, because she was friends with Ivy. She put her hand on Joker's shoulder, while saying, "Please don't do anything too extreme, to Ivy. I don't want to lose my friendship with her."

The Joker looked annoyed, while saying, "In recent months, you've been spending as much time with her, as you do with me."

Harley had an amused look on her face, while asking, "Are you jealous?"

The Joker stubbornly answered, "Not at all."

Poison Ivy walked up to Joker. She furiously shook her fist at him and said, "I'm tired of your nonsense, Joker." She grabbed him, while saying, "I'm going to have my most poisonous plants deal with you."

The Joker confidently replied, "That's not going to be happening." He lit a match, while saying, "I can drop this and burn your garden."

Poison Ivy replied, "I could easily get rid of that fire. One match wouldn't be enough."

The Joker pointed to his box of matches, while having a sinister grin on his face, and saying, "I could light an entire box of matches, which would destroy this entire garden."

Poison Ivy had a horrified look on her face, while asking, "Why would you suggest something, that's so heartless?"

The Joker answered, "Surrender or your garden will become my killing joke."

Poison Ivy sighed and replied, "Very well then."

After defeating the criminals, Joker and Harley returned home. Harley was hoping she could spend more time with Joker, but Joker ran to his drawing board and started working on his next scheme, to lure Batman. Harley walked up to Joker and asked, "Don't you want to hug and watch a romantic movie?"

The Joker answered, "Offense intend, when I say that sounds like crap."

Harley had an offended look on her face, while saying, "I'm tired, of always being ignored. You don't show me the love, that I rightfully deserve. I feel ignored, unappreciated, and worst of all, unloved."

The Joker replied, "Cry me a river."

Harley grabbed Strange's business card and said, "You know what? I'm going to see a psychiatrist."

The Joker replied, "You certainly need one."

Harley drove to Hugo Strange's office. She wasn't expatiating to get an appointment so quickly, but Hugo had such a strong interest in Batman and Joker, that he welcomed Harley in. Harley laid on the couch, while Hugo his journal ready.

Harley said, "Doc, the bond Joker and I have couldn't be more special, but there's been some problems."

Hugo asked, "What has been the main problem?"

Harley answered, "Batman." She paused and said, "Instead of spending time, trying to win my heart and showing me affection, Joker wants to get Batman's attention. He even helped the police get the other villains, so Batman wouldn't spend his time with them. I'm feeling like the third-wheel."

Hugo replied, "People seem to think being a third-wheel is bad, but I disagree. After all, cars have four wheels, so you're not the ignored part of Joker's metaphorical car of relationships. You play an essential role in Joker's life, just like Batman and myself do."

Harley responded, "But Joker only has eyes for Batman, these days. How can I change that?"

Hugo said, "Joker's been trying to get Batman's attention, by getting rid of the competing villains. He's put so much effort into getting Batman to notice him, that if Batman doesn't appear, his heart will be broken."

Harley slyly responded "You've given me quite the idea."

Hugo smugly replied, "I couldn't ask for a better response."

While Joker continued working on his plans, Harley broke into Arkham Asylum and freed all of the criminals, that Joker had captured.

The next day, the Joker broke into a fun-house and took it over, to get Batman's attention. Joker and Harley waited around, for several minutes. After a few hours of waiting around, Joker had a ticked-off look on his face, while saying, "Batman's supposed to be here! Why isn't he with me, at this very moment?!" He turned on the news. The news mentioned, that a bunch of criminals had broken out of Arkham Asylum, which Batman was trying to deal with.

Harley looked at Joker, who looked heartbroken. She asked, "Are you okay, Joker?"

The Joker moped, while saying, "Harley, I've tried so hard, to gain Batman's respect and admiration, but it's not working. I'm just like any of the other criminals, that he regularly deals with. I'm not an arch-enemy or something special. I'm just a generic lunatic."

Harley shook her head and replied, "That's not the case, my darling clown. You're the best criminal and mastermind, that Gotham's ever dealt with. If Batman has failed to notice that, he doesn't deserve your attention or time."

The Joker continued pacing around, while saying, "That might be true, but without Batman, who will I spend my time with?"

Harley smiled and replied, "You could spend your time with the person, who's always cared about you and would love to spend time with you." She stuck her arms, to offer a hug.

The Joker smiled back and said, "You know what, Harley? You might be the only one, who truly cares about me." He accepted her hug.

Joker and Harley's moment was ruined, thanks to Batman arriving. The Joker pushed Harley away and said, "Batman, after all this time, you've finally remembered who your arch-enemy is."

Batman replied, "You could say that. I have a lot of enemies to deal with and because of that, you sometimes fall short, on my list of priorities. I took your awfulness for granted."

The Joker grinned and responded, "You bet you did."

Batman said, "However, you did me a favor, when you stopped all of those criminals. Harley caused the real problem, by setting the criminals loose."

The Joker angrily faced Harley and asked, "You let the criminals loose?"

Harley nervously said, "I'm afraid I did."

The Joker replied, "I captured those criminals, so I could get Batman to notice me. Why did you do the opposite, of what I wanted to do?"

Harley responded, "So you'd notice me. However, I accidentally helped your plan. If it wasn't for me letting the criminals loose and Batman finding out I did it, he wouldn't of come here and remembered how much you mean to him."

The Joker thought about it and said, "You know what? You're the best." He grabbed Harley and kissed her. Harley had a giant grin on her face. Batman rolled his eyes.

After beating up Joker and Harley Quinn, Batman paid Hugo Strange a visit. Batman approached him, while saying, "Harley told me, that she and the Joker have been seeking advice from you. That's a pretty shady thing, for a psychiatrist to do."

Hugo grinned, while replying, "I'm guilty of that, but it was destiny." Batman raised an eyebrow. Hugo said, "You see, Joker's a crazy guy, who hates order and you're a man, who seeks order, despite being batty. You two obsess over one another, while leaving Harley in the dust. She was underestimated by both of you, which is why I knew I could trick her, into following my advice."

Batman replied, "Your advice led to them both being defeated by me, so I'll be sure to thank you, after I take you to Arkham."

Hugo looked down and saw that Batman had put handcuffs on him. Batman started dragging him out, while Hugo asked, "I'm going to be surrounded by Gotham's most fascinatingly crazy people? I couldn't ask for a stranger, but more wonderful dream."

The next night, Joker and Harley were back in their cell. Joker said, "Harley, find a way to sneak into Hugo's cell, so you can steal his journal. That strange fella might have tips I can use, for my next scheme."

Harley replied, "Joker, don't you think it's time, to give the Batman-related schemes a break?"

The Joker said, "Maybe you're right. For now, I'll focus on the one person, other than Batman, that I truly care about." Harley looked down and saw that Joker was holding her hand. She was glad that he finally noticed her.


End file.
